Have you ever spent years learning about God, only to discover that what He really wanted was your heart? Sometimes the greatest spiritual growth doesn’t come through gaining more knowledge… it comes through learning to know Him personally.
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Many years ago, when I first came to the Lord, I dreamed of becoming a chaplain. But life was full of the demands of raising young children, and that dream never eventuated.
When I returned to God later in life, those old desires resurfaced.
“I need to become a minister… or a pastor… or something,” I thought.
So, naturally, I began researching courses.
Soon after, however, the Holy Spirit spoke to me very clearly:
“You don’t need more information about Me. You need to know Me – personally.”
Well, needless to say, that burst my bubble.
I am a details person. Whenever I become interested in a subject, I tend to research it to death. I want to understand every angle, every nuance, every fact.
For years, I told myself this was simply a fear of failure. At school and university, I worked hard because I didn’t want to get things wrong.
But through the gentle work of the Holy Spirit, I’ve come to realize that wasn’t the whole story.
The Need to Be Seen
When I was growing up, we moved around a lot.
The shifting sands of place and belonging swirled constantly beneath my feet. I often felt uncertain in new cultural groups and social settings. I wasn’t always sure what was expected of me and frequently found myself missing the mark, resulting in embarrassment and a lingering sense of being different.
One thing remained constant through all those moves: school.
There, I discovered I could gain recognition and approval through academic achievement.
Even if I didn’t quite fit in socially, I could be the “smart kid” or the “teacher’s pet.”
I was often the student with my hand shooting into the air, desperate to answer every question before anyone else.
Looking back now, I am surprised and saddened to realize how deeply I needed to be seen and affirmed.
I wanted people to tell me I was good.
I wanted approval.
The Apostle Paul writes:
“Am I now trying to win the favor and approval of men, or of God? Or am I seeking to please someone? If I were still trying to be popular with men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10 (AMP)
The truth is, much of my identity was built on performance.
If I excelled academically, the adults were pleased. It felt safe.
Success at school didn’t require navigating complicated relationships, cultural differences, or conflict. It was predictable. Facts. Marks. Results.
No messy emotions.
No vulnerability.
If I kept people at arm’s length, they couldn’t hurt me.
And somehow, achievement gave me the illusion that I could control my life.
God’s Better Plan
But God had other ideas.
Not long after, an advertisement for School of Faith appeared on my Facebook feed.
Unlike traditional Bible college, this faith-based training focused on growing closer to God and learning to operate in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Their teaching included material from Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry, but the emphasis was always on relationship rather than simply accumulating knowledge.
Something in my spirit knew this was where God was leading me.
So I leaned in.
What followed was a three-year journey that profoundly changed my relationship with God.
More importantly, it changed me.
The carefully constructed walls I had spent decades building to protect myself from hurt had to come down.
Jesus was the wrecking ball they needed.
Knowledge or Love?
This morning, during my Bible study, I came across these words:
“…We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God.”
1 Corinthians 8:1–3 (NIV)
As I reflected on this passage, I sensed the Holy Spirit revealing something important.
God knew me.
He knew that if I had gone straight to Bible college, I might have become like the Pharisees: filled with knowledge, comparison, and performance, yet missing the heart of God.
I could easily have become proud of what I knew while neglecting the far more important work of learning how to love.
Instead, God chose a different path for me.
He taught me relationship before information.
Love before knowledge.
Connection before credentials.
And in the process, He taught me how to love others more deeply.
He taught me how to be vulnerable.
How to let people see who I really am.
How to accept others for who they are rather than who I think they should be.
God Knows What We Need
Looking back, I can see God’s wisdom so clearly.
What I thought I needed was more knowledge.
What I actually needed was transformation.
God is so good.
If we listen to His voice and follow where He leads, He often takes us down paths we would never have chosen ourselves. Yet those paths become the very places where He heals us, grows us, and shapes us into the people He created us to be.
His plans are always better than our own.
And somehow, by His grace, He transforms our lives beyond anything we could have hoped for or imagined.
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You that You know us better than we know ourselves.
Thank You that Your plans for our lives are always wiser and kinder than our own. Forgive us for the times we have sought approval, recognition, or identity through our achievements rather than through our relationship with You.
Lord, help us to lay down every performance-based mindset. Where we have believed that we must earn love, acceptance, or significance, remind us that we are already loved because we belong to You.
Teach us to know You personally, not just know about You. Draw us deeper into Your presence. Help us to value relationship over religion, love over knowledge, and obedience over striving.
Holy Spirit, reveal any walls we have built around our hearts. Give us the courage to trust You with our vulnerabilities and to allow Your healing work to continue within us.
May we become people who build others up with love rather than seeking to elevate ourselves through knowledge or achievement. Help us to see others through Your eyes and to love them as You do.
Thank You for Your patience, Your grace, and Your transforming power.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Activation
Take a few quiet moments with the Lord this week and ask Him:
“Father, where do I still find my identity in performance rather than in being Your child?”
Write down whatever comes to mind.
Then reflect on these questions:
- Do I feel more valuable when I achieve something?
- Do I seek approval from others more than approval from God?
- Is there an area of my life where knowledge, success, ministry, work, or service has become more important than relationship with Jesus?
Now spend five minutes simply sitting with God.
No study.
No note-taking.
No agenda.
Just be with Him.
Allow yourself to receive His love rather than trying to earn it.
Finally, write down three things God says are true about you from His Word. For example:
- Nothing can separate us from the love of God. (Romans 8:38-39)
- I am God’s child. (John 1:12)
- I am chosen by God (Ephesians 1:4)
Read them aloud each day this week and thank God that your identity rests in Him—not in your performance.
Remember: God is not looking for perfect performers. He is looking for willing hearts that desire to know Him and be known by Him. ❤️
If this message blessed you, please share it with someone who might need it today.
Have you ever had God redirect your plans in a way that didn’t make sense at the time, but later proved to be exactly what you needed? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.
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“Right now is always the best time to begin with God.”
Jesus 4 Generations 
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