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Why is it so hard to apologise? To admit we regret doing something wrong and acted in error. The definition of apologise is:
to tell someone that you are sorry for having done something that has caused problems or unhappiness
Cambridge Dictionary
An apology is an admission of guilt, of wrong-doing. Unfortunately, I have struggled with this time and time again. I would love to be Christlike in every aspect of my life, however, I am still a work in progress. The truth is occasionally I have suffered with the false belief that I am correct, and others are wrong. This has happened when arguing over ridiculous things i.e.: which way is North; or quarrelling over chores to the point that it led to a breakdown in relationship with the people I love. As you can see, this stance, or heart position has the potential to lead to much conflict and brokenness. At its root it is self-righteousness, the sin of pride.
We would do well to heed what Jesus said:
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
Luke 18:9-14 (NIV)
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
I was recently convicted of self-righteousness and directed to make amends. When the Holy Spirit convicts us, He does so gently, and puts a sense of purpose in us and the ability to carry it out. This is the polar opposite of condemnation which causes guilt and shame. The easiest way to explain the difference is, conviction is about something we’ve done, which can be dealt with by repentance (change the way we think and act) and asking for forgiveness, whereas condemnation is about who we are, deceiving us into believing we are broken and irreparable.
Jesus gave us clear instructions of what to do when we have caused offense:
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)
When we ask for forgiveness we place ourselves in a vulnerable position and may be concerned about embarrassing ourselves and how the other party will react. Interestingly, when I prayed about it and walked it out, I was surprised by the response of the aggrieved parties. One person said, “oh don’t worry about that it’s all in the past.” The other person wasn’t worried about what had happened and admitted their part in the conflict. It seems God led me to say sorry because I was being affected by what had happened. It was holding me back, not them. The lesson in humility was something I needed and helped me to grow in an area I was weak in. What I gained was right standing with God and an enormous sense of relief and peace. I don’t want to risk losing my peace again.
If you have offended or upset others by self-righteousness, I recommend you consider talking to the Holy Spirit about it. If He urges you to make amends and the other person/s won’t be hurt by revisiting it, pray and ask for guidance about how and when to reconcile with them. I have found atoning for my sins doesn’t take anything away from me, except guilt and shame – useless baggage I had been carrying around for a long time. It releases liberty to the captives, peace and joy. It grows humility, builds trust and paves the way for better relationships with people.
I hope you have enjoyed my blog. I would love to hear from you. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a message below. If you’d like to comment or subscribe, please fill out the form below. God bless you and your family.
Jesus 4 Generations 
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