Source: Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash

When our children or grandchildren behave in a way that concerns us, we often feel the need to draw their attention to it in the hope it will correct their behaviour. Sometimes this has the desired result and sometimes it does not.

I truly wish I could say I am the perfect parent and grandparent, never losing my temper, or regretting anything I did or failed to do. Unfortunately, that is not my truth.

The Bible encourages us to raise our children in Godly ways:

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it¹.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

If you have a neurodiverse child (child on the spectrum), a child with special needs, or a child with high energy (ADHD), you may find yourself reprimanding them constantly. This can lead to both parties experiencing high levels of distress.

The parent or grandparent may be disheartened when they don’t receive the response they expect from the child. They may become punitive in an attempt to force obedience. In turn, the child may become discouraged and conclude there is something wrong with them. I am sure no parent nor grandparent wants to do this.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Colossians 3:21 (ESV)

Children are a precious gift from God. They are only young for such a short time. As parents and grandparents, we must choose our words wisely as they may be remembered for many years after we are gone. How many of us can recall harsh remarks spoken over us as a child? How were we effected by those comments? Did they leave marks on our hearts and minds that still cause difficulties? We have the authority of the kingdom when we speak. Our words have the power to lift up or cast down:

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

Our children and grandchildren may be misreading and/or misunderstanding the cues we are sending. We don’t want them to lose hope of ever receiving the validation and encouragement they want from us. It can lead to a cycle of frustration and acting out which may spur parents and grandparents on to become more severe.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

Discipline in the bible comes from the root word disciple – which means student². It indicates learning, studying, training and applying a system of standards. The disciples were learning and transforming the way they thought and behaved to become like Jesus. Discipline is not punishment nor enforcing compliance. The source of discipline is internal not external pressure.

As parents and grandparents, we can impart knowledge, guidance and instructions to children. However, eventually it is their choice to choose the discipline of living by Godly standards and values.

Our God does not force His way on us. He invites us to join Him of our own free will. How does our loving God treat us when we mess up? Does He lose His temper with us? No! When we wander away from the path of righteousness and refuse to accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, God desires to be in relationship with us. He continues to love us. When we return to Him, and ask for forgiveness and change our ways, He instantly removes our sins, in fact He covers them up. It is as if they never existed. Then He welcomes us back and blesses us with His gifts of the spirit and lavishes His love on us.

How do we encourage our children and grandchildren to choose self-discipline. By applying it to our own lives. Admitting when we are wrong and making amends, even to children. Being slow to anger, loving, caring and truthful. Displaying patience, kindness and compassion. Listening to them and playing with them.

How we behave speaks volumes to all those around us. It teaches and instructs more powerfully than eloquent speech or persuasive arguments. Let’s choose to disciple our children and grandchildren. The fruits of our labour will continue long after we have passed away.

If you are struggling with managing your emotions when parenting, take heart. It’s not an easy job. The pay and conditions are poor. It’s 24/7 with no holidays or breaks. But help is available. Pray to God for help and guidance. Don’t try to hide it. Ask for help from a family member, a friend, or your pastor. In Australia, you can call Parent Line on 1300 301 300.

If you notice someone is having difficulties with parenting, consider respectfully offering to help them. I’m sure they would be grateful, even if it is only for a shoulder to cry on. There is a popular saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”. As grandparents, we are uniquely positioned to help our children raise the next generation.

Thankyou for reading my blog. I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to share it with anyone you think it might bless. If you would like to leave a comment or subscribe, please complete the section below. I would love to hear from you. God bless you and your family.

References:

1. https://www.biblegateway.com/ ↩︎
2. Focus 3 What Does Discipline Mean? – Focus 3 ↩︎