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Being submissive in our culture is seen as a sign of weakness. Being less than and admitting we are inferior.
This is a topic I have really struggled with. I was born in the 1960s when women’s rights and the “fight for equality” was in full swing, and then continually championed throughout my lifetime. Not to mention my personal experiences of being powerless, vulnerable and abused in the workplace and in some of my relationships.
I always wanted to be fiercely independent, especially where my opinions were concerned. I wouldn’t give up my “freedom” to speak my mind or do what I wanted for anyone. This was the status quo until recently, when I was at a Christian school intensive weekend. We were spending time with the Holy Spirit and asking Him what He wanted to let us know.
I was shocked when Holy Spirit told me I must submit to my husband and acknowledge my husband’s authority in the house. Immediately, I was convicted of this truth. It’s interesting that when God convicts you it is with love and you receive a sense of hope that it is possible and better to change. Whereas when Satan condemns you, it leaves you feeling ashamed, wretched and full of despair. That’s an easy way to discern whose voice you are hearing from.
I slumped back in my chair. When asked to share I announced to all that this is the opposite of my norm. I publicly apologised to my husband and acknowledged his leadership and authority over our household including me.
Within 48 hours, I found myself questioning – “Did Holy Spirit really say ….” I realised this is a line of questioning Satan used with Adam and Eve
“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
Genesis 3:1 (NIV)
And when he questioned Jesus in the wilderness
“If you are the son of God…”
Matthew 4:6 (NIV)
Then, this morning a good friend of mine sent me a reel by Kristi McLelland:
Kristi McLelland on Instagram
Kristi’s reel was sent at exactly the right time for me to hear. In Genesis when God speaks about creating a help mate for Adam he uses the Hebrew words Ezer Kenegdo. She explains that this word is powerful and means to aid, help and strengthen someone in ways they cannot do for themselves. Additionally, God uses this word many times in the bible to describe himself and His relationship with Israel. We do not see God as less than Israel. Kristi gave me a lightbulb moment that I needed to have – I do not need to see myself or value myself as inferior to my husband. I am valuable. I am loved. I am part of God’s plan.
So what does the bible say about wives yielding to their husbands:
Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Ephesians 4:22-24 (MEV)
Now, before you become concerned about your freedom and rights, I implore you, do not fear. Our loving God has an even higher expectation of husbands:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, and that He might present to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. In this way men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord cares for the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
Ephesians 5:25-30 (MEV)
It is obvious God wants our husbands to carefully look after us and love us and make sacrifices for us as Jesus loves us. Pretty amazing really!
Surprisingly, submitting to my husband has been an incredible relief. I did not realise the burden of responsibility I had been carrying. Strangely enough, the world did not go to pieces when I chose to do this. My husband Peter has not become domineering nor controlling. He asks for and welcomes my opinion. We discuss things as we always have. He now has his rightful place as my number one priority in my human relationships. I find I discuss things with him first, prior to anyone else. I think he appreciates this.
I’ve realised my attitudes, behaviours and beliefs around the fear of being vulnerable and the desire to dominate as a way of avoiding this had crippled my relationship with my husband. Instead of strengthening him I had been draining him. Godly men deserve their proper place, as do Godly women. Our place as wives is crucial to healthy marriages, families and communities. We have a powerful position when we realise the parallel with God and His relationship with Israel.
Wives, I believe when we surrender the need to control our husbands, we release them to become all they were meant to be. My husband is a good, kindhearted man. I can see him growing daily more fully into the man God made him to be. I am no longer holding him back. I am cheering him on and encouraging him forward.
If your relationship is struggling. If you don’t know where to begin. Invite Jesus in. Ask Holy Spirit for guidance. Speak to your husband or wife. Let them know you would like to work on your relationship. Let them know you want things to be better. Speak to friends who have good relationships and ask for advice. Speak to your Pastor. Get help and guidance to mend what seems to be broken.
I want you to know that if you are in a domestic violence situation this message is not for you. Seek help immediately. In Australia you can call 1800 RESPECT. Speak to a friend, a family member, a colleague, your Pastor or a DV service. Don’t remain silent.
If you enjoyed this blog, I’d love to hear from you. If you would like to comment or subscribe, please fill out the section below. God bless you and your family.
Acknowledgement: I would like to thank my friend Milly who kindly let me use one of her lovely photos for this blog. If anyone would like great photos, please go to fotosbymilly.com and check out her fabulous work.
- References:
- https://www.biblegateway.com/
- https://www.fotosbymilly.com/
- Kristi McLelland (20) Facebook
- YouTube
- Hillsong Worship
Jesus 4 Generations 
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